What to say to a sommelier (a two-sentence script that always works).

I spent years afraid of sommeliers. I assumed the conversation was a quiz I hadn't studied for, so I ordered the second-cheapest bottle and kept my head down. Then, at 58, I walked into sommelier school myself — and learned what's actually happening on the other side of that conversation.

Here's the secret: when a guest asks a sommelier for help, the somm's reaction is relief. It's the best part of the job. Nobody is quizzing you. You're talking to the best-informed person in the building, who is professionally motivated to make your table happy.

The two-sentence script

“We're having the roast chicken and the scallops, and we like crisp whites. What would you pour in the range of this one?”

Swap in your own food and style, point at any bottle on the list at your comfortable price, and you're done. Look at what those two sentences accomplish:

• The food. Pairing is the somm's craft — give them the dishes and they'll do the work.
• A style, in plain English. “Smoother reds.” “Crisp whites.” “Nothing too heavy.” You don't need vocabulary — you need honesty about what you enjoy.
• Your budget — silently. Pointing at a bottle sets your price. By unwritten professional code, the recommendation comes back at or below the number you pointed at. It never gets spoken aloud.

Three more questions sommeliers love

• “What are you excited about on this list right now?” — invites their favorite, often the best value on the page.
• “What would you drink with this dish?” — personal, direct, and they'll answer honestly. It's their own glass they're imagining.
• “We loved [wine you enjoyed]. Anything here in that spirit?” — one remembered bottle unlocks the whole list.

What never to do

Don't bluff vocabulary you don't own. Don't apologize for your budget — value hunting is a somm's favorite sport. And don't send back a sound bottle because it isn't your favorite; the tasting pour is a quality check, not a taste test. Fluency is quiet.

One more thing, from experience

Sommeliers routinely steer you to the better value, not the bigger ticket. Their night depends on the table's happiness, not the bottle's price. Trust the recommendation — and ask one curious question about what they chose. Wine people love to teach. I would know.

21+ only. Please drink responsibly.